Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce
The Sunday Times magazine recently reported that there’s a new breed of divorced women who are empowered, positive and happy to be single. Rather serendipitous as the day before this was published, I had launched my brand new Facebook group ‘Learning to Fly Solo’ – to support, encourage and inspire recently divorced women to reach that empowered, positive and happy state!
Divorce is definitely not an easy process for the majority of people who experience it. Although every situation is different, it can stir up so many different feelings – of sadness, abandonment, grief, anger, resentment, animosity, uncertainty, fear, anxiety…and much more.
Then there are the losses. It’s not just about ‘losing’ the person you chose to marry and expected to share the rest of your life with, but all the hopes and dreams for the future that you imagined you’d have, the feelings of security, having someone there who had your back, and often the loss of mutual friends who feel uncomfortable about appearing to be siding with one of the divorced couple.
When the love between two people really has died – whether it’s one or both parties who are no longer happy in their relationship – change has to happen and often divorce is the only answer. However, getting divorced doesn’t have to feel like it’s the end of the world, even though for many people it can initially feel that way.
Some people choose to hold onto anger, resentment and feelings of hatred for years because they feel that their former partner ‘deserves’ it, not realising that by doing so they are only hurting themselves. Some withdraw from life and develop a ‘victim’ mentality, feeling sorry for themselves and believing they are at the mercy of the actions of their ex and will never be able to move on.
Others believe that if only they could find someone else to love them everything would be alright and they would be able to feel lovable and happy again. They may rush into finding a new partner before they’ve dealt with their emotions and are in the right place to start a new relationship, then if that doesn’t work out it adds to their pain, anger, frustration, or belief that there’s something wrong with them – or that all men/women are untrustworthy.
Well, I have some life-changing news. The truth is that no-one has the power to make you feel happy, or angry, or inadequate, or anything else, unless you choose to give your power away. Your emotions come from inside of you, not from the outside and no-one can control them but you.
Once you learn to love and value yourself you will be in a good place, free from negative emotions regarding your past relationship and you won’t need anyone else to love you in order to feel happy. When you get to this point the love that you attract from the person who is truly right for you will be the cherry on top of your cake and you’ll be able to develop a healthy relationship built on mutual trust, love and respect.
I know from experience what it’s like when it feels as though the world as you know it has suddenly come to an end. I know what it’s like to lose the love I believed I had from the man I married, the man I thought I would grow old with, the man who was supposed to be a father to our children – and to discover that those beliefs I’d carried were no longer a reality. I know what it’s like to lose my home and financial security and to be left alone to bring up two very young children, without any practical, emotional or financial support whatsoever.
I know what it’s like to feel shocked, sickened, devastated, saddened, hurt, rejected and abandoned on finding out that the husband I trusted implicitly was having an affair with another woman. I know what it was like to feel fearful of the future, not knowing where my children and I were going to live, how I was going to cope and how I was going to be able to support them financially, after giving up my career to be a full-time mum.
I also know what it’s like to pick myself up from that very low point in my life by discovering my inner strength and becoming aware that I had within me a deep connection to a higher source. From there I was able to pick myself up, grow my wings, rebuild my life and eventually learn to fly. It didn’t happen overnight but step by step I was gradually able to grow stronger and move from ‘victim’ to ‘victor’. As I became more self-aware, I further developed my self-belief and confidence – which my ex had strategically attempted to strip me of.
The first step for me was to study psychology – a subject I’d been fascinated by since my late teens. From there I moved forward to train for three years as a counsellor, then further down the line I qualified as a hypnotherapist, psychotherapist and life coach. Apart from my qualifications, along my journey I studied and learned from some of the greatest masters from the East and West – I read self-developments books, watched inspirational videos, listened to motivational audios, attended educational workshops and completely changed my mindset.
In 2005 I was ready to start my own private therapy practice as a transformational therapist and mindset coach and after helping many clients to successfully transform their lives, the time eventually came when I was ready to share the main lessons I’d learned to a much wider audience. I did this by writing my own self-development book – ‘Your Flight to Happiness: A 7-Step Journey to Emotional Freedom’ – which became an Amazon bestseller virtually overnight and currently has over sixty 5 star reviews.
Within my book I describe some of my early experiences, and the negative messages and subsequent limiting beliefs I developed which affected me during childhood and right through to adulthood. I also share some of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned over the years which have enabled me to let go of my irrational fears, believe in myself, become empowered and take control of my life.
So, I’m now in the process of creating my powerful new 7-Step programme, ‘Learning to Fly Solo’, which is focused on enabling other divorced women to rebuild their lives by letting go of the past, starting to live in the present and move forward step by step to create the life they want to live.
In advance of the programme, I’ve just started a very positively focused private Facebook group with the same name to support, inspire, encourage and guide divorced women who are ready to move forward.
As it gets nearer to the launch date of my programme I will be sharing news of how to enrol into it. There won’t be any pressure for group members to book onto the programme, however, the offer to embark on the beta edition of the programme at a heavily discounted rate will initially be offered to ‘Learning to Fly Solo’ Facebook group members. Click on the link below to go to the Facebook group page: Learning To Fly Solo