What is Love?
How realistic is your idea of romantic love…?
While January was the month of New Year resolutions, and new beginnings, February is the month of St Valentine’s Day, a day for romance! But how realistic is your image of romantic love?
Most of us grew up reading heterosexual fairy tales where the handsome prince rescues the beautiful girl, marries her and makes her his princess, and many dream about such a fairytale happening to them. She is seen to men as sweet and lovely, attending to her prince’s every need, and he is seen to women as strong and protective, supporting his princess throughout life. Romantic movies portray relationships where two people meet – there are a few hitches to make the film interesting – then they ‘fall in love’, get married (or at least move in together) and live happily ever after.
Many people believe they are incomplete until they meet their ‘other half’ and then ‘become one’. The reality is that to have a healthy relationship, you need to feel whole, complete and well-balanced beforehand. You can’t expect the other person to make you feel that way. If you give away your power and depend on another person to make you feel good, as soon as they fail to live up to your expectations (or fantasies!), you will be disappointed and feel bad again.
I frequently see clients who feel insecure in their relationships and can neither trust their partners, nor believe that they truly love them. This is because they don’t value themselves enough to believe that they are loveable. Others allow their partners to mistreat or neglect them, staying in a relationship because they lack self esteem and believe any relationship is better than none. Many people are afraid of being alone and go into relationships mistaking need for love.
The truth is, love and happiness come from the inside, and until we can learn to love, value and respect ourselves, we cannot fully accept the love and appreciation we desire from others. In my next post I’ll be sharing with you some ways to help you love yourself more…